4) I have changes in how I hold 我 too or how I sit sometimes or how I maintain (or don't maintain) eye contact, etc.
I "act out"我的白日梦，甚至哭泣，"get 进去"。我什至不知道我这样做。人们说这是我的选择，甚至是我读过的一些文学作品……但是对我来说，这肯定不是一个选择。它只是发生。这是非自愿的。就像我沉迷于这个内部世界/白日梦。从某种意义上说，我看到的一切都是真实的。
通常，尽管我经历了分离的感觉不再像"myself"感觉就像我突然"a different me"在某种意义上。我有一次拥有多种现实的经验。我的倒叙很糟糕。我有一点记忆。很难否认。
The following day. I go to work, get called into the bosses office, where I was presented with a ten minute long voicemail message of me talking to 我. In which I also incriminated 我 by admitting that I wasn't actually 生病, but hungover. Apparently this was the one 和 only time my phone didn't disconnect the call after flipping it shut. I was mortified. It was totally my own fault, but Aaah!
I wish I could share more. But I'm so ashamed about these things if people REALLY knew what went on inside my head 和 internal fantasy world. It's very 生病. I am not okay.... And I still have not been able to figure out how to get this to stop. Maybe I will try mindfulness.
I've known many people in the trade WHO shifted their 适应不良 daydreaming into a useful, valuable, 和 wanted part of their lives... By redirecting their imaginations. ((This used to drive me insane, I hated it, etc...until I found XYZ creative outlet for it.)) But when it shifts from something destroying their lives to something enriching their lives? It became a very different thing.